I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
