worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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