I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Randomize
