btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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