how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
