The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
