is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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