We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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