You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
