It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
