My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
