So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i out mim tonsoeep
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