On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
