It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
