so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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