I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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