they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
