I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
