I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
