Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
