So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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