you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
