dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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