my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
