i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
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And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
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I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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