i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
