a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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