he thought i was a dude.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Houston, we have a blender
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
