I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
