I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
