11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
