can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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