No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
