I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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