I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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