I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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