I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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