pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
