Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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