he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
