if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
