you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
