matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
