the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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