I seem to have left my pride at pride
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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