Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
