two words...techno handjob
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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