I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
