I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
