In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
