You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
