So drunk its hurt
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
