im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think I am morally bankrupt
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
