I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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