You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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