So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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