i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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