I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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