wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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