You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
