im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
