Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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