dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
