He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
