You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize